Jus ThinKen

I’ve got a bonus daughter. She’s 6. A fierce, intelligent, precocious, absolutely gorgeous human! Today we watched The Prince of Egypt for her first time. During the moment where Moses encounters God through the burning bush, I asked Beans (as we call her) if she knew who Moses was talking to. When she said no I told her it was God. And she said she didn’t know that God was fire. I told her that God can show up as a lot of things. And her response was “He can be my daddy?” My first thought about that was, “Damn me and this kid have such similar hearts” my second thought is how lucky we both have been to have Dad’s that are so good to us that when we think of unconditional love, a constant comforting presence, strength, and protection we think of our fathers. My concept of God is far more expansive now than it was when I was 6. I now see God as the infinitely possible. One who can show up in any way, in any form, in any situation with power beyond even my imagination. But growing up and being socialized in the Black, evangelical church of the 90s my childlike view of God was incredibly patriarchal and it was a long time before I could separate God from the image of the man it seemed like all my religious teachers were describing… daddy. It’s almost funny to think about now that I am grown and understand far better all the ways my father is human and flawed, no doubt still perfect and wonderful to me, but not universally unsullied. And in many ways I have found God in my mother in new and awe inspiring ways the more woman I become. I have seen folks who were like me have their faith rocked to the core when confronted with the humanity of their God figure parent. Or are unable to imagine a God bigger and wider than anything on anything on Earth. There is no proper comparison for who God is! And I do think our experiences of God can vary so greatly that when speaking to one another much is lost in translation.

For now in her 6 year old understanding I think it perfectly fine that when she hears how God is described it sounds to her like the human who loves her best. I pray that as she grows to know her dad as a man that it doesn’t shake her in the faith and spiritual practice she cultivates for herself. My confrontation with my father’s flawed humanity led to a greater appreciation for a flawless God. And allowed my Daddy’s love to be special BECAUSE it’s human and not in spite of it. It’s that human love that showed up at my bedside after I gave birth to check on his baby as much as he came to meet the actual baby. And it’s the knowing I’m somebody’s baby that makes being a daddy’s daughter a unique experience. It has shaped how I’ve moved through the world. What I accept from those around me. I’ve treasured being a daddy’s daughter. I reckon that’s it.

My hubs and the girls